dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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