Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
