You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
third nipple confirmed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
