are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
