I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
