why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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