I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
