took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
