guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
