i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
