two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
