I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
