I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize