69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
