I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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