It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize