hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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