yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
