She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
