some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
