I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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