Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
