Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
