It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize