drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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