just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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