Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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