I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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