Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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