i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
