i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
