let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
