I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
