3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Enjoy the penises
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
