He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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