lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
