I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
