you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
