I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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