I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
