I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My ass is underappreciated
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize