I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize