I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
