this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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