I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
