I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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