I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
