Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
