yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
