How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
