Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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