I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
