also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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