Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Welp...herpes.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
