I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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