I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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