Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize