forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
