i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
