if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize