She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
