i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
