Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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