I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
