I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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