Your tits are I can't wait for
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
