If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
