So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just threw up on my dentist
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Houston, we have a squirter
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
