my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
