Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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