Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize