I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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